Instructions not included (Evildoer's style)
by THEEVILDOER
Summary: Sly Cooper was a ladiesman raccoon who came from a long line of master thieves, whose only fears were heights and commitment. But his life gives a sudden spin when Carmelita Fox, an old girlfriend of his, comes to his home and gives him a baby. What will Sly do now what he discovered that he was a father? AU, non-canonical to my other fics, based on the movie with the same name.


**Chapter 1.- The World is...**

* * *

_"When I was a little raccoon cub, my father used to say that the world was a mad place, a dumping ground for lowlifes, corrupt politicians and psycopaths._  
_He was also a fan of saying that we Coopers were a few of those persons who still had a bit of honor. We both came from a long line of master thieves, but you might wonder 'What kind of honor can a thief have?'_  
_Well, the answer is simple, the Cooper family was known for stealing only from master criminals, and while everyone knew our last name, the people didn't know that it was us._  
_Since I was eight, my father gave me the family book, you could call it the Thieves' Bible, but its right name was the Thievius Raccoonus. Right after that, my father started training me in the ways that my ancestors had developed over the ages, I mastered each and every move in the book with relative ease within merely five years._  
_But sometimes, fate seemed to use me for amusement, that's why my father's training included facing my worst fears, and with heights being my second biggest fear, my father thought that throwing me off the top of the Eiffel Tower would help me get rid of it._  
_It didn't._  
_If anything, it only worsened my vertigo._  
_Years later, when I was 16 years old, I ran away from home, I took the Thievius Raccoonus and my old man's cane, and I started travelling throughout the world. I went through a lot, I ran into many troubles, like being chased by a mafia gang that I had tried to overthrow, serial killers going for my head, corrupt politicians that wanted to cover their criminalistic acts by capturing the one and only Sly Cooper._  
_However, fate seemed to have a bit of simpathy for me as it made me find two guys which made my life much more easier and happy. One of the was a very brilliant turtle, whose name was Bentley Wiseturtle, and the other was as strong as Bentley was smart, his name was Murray, though until the date, his last name remains a mystery for everyone._  
_We became very good friends, people sometimes thought that we were brothers._  
_As time went on, I became a complete ladiesman, but once I turned 25 years old, I found my biggest fear of all._  
_Commitment._  
_Many girls asked me to marry them, and I always found an excuse for escaping such horrible words for me._  
_I know, I sound like a total jerk, but it's only that I don't feel ready for marriage._  
_Anyway, like I previously said, fate used me to amuse itself, because it made me go through a situation that was completely unwanted by me._  
_Fate made me face commitment in the most strange way._  
_This is the story of how my father's training of making me face my fears finally paid off. Of how fate can make your life so much more interesting by making you go through situations that you were completely unprepared for."_

* * *

It was a warm morning in the city of Los Angeles.  
As usual, Sly Cooper was waking up beside two girls whose names he had forgotten right after they introduced themselves.  
And the reason he was waking up was because he heard that someone was knocking on the door of his expensive bachelor apartment.  
Sly woke up groggily and put on some jeans and a T-shirt. Then he stumbled towards the door, having to kick out of his way some empty bottles of various liquors, including vodka, whiskey, rum and even tequila, and opened it, finding himself face to face with a blue-haired vixen that looked a bit disheveled and dirty, who was carrying a blue-haired raccoon cub in her arms.  
- Sly? - The vixen asked with a slight Mexican accent.  
- Yes? - Sly asked while he rubbed his eyes. - Do I know you?  
The vixen narrowed her eyes and said:  
- Fui tu amor eterno.  
- What? - Sly asked. - I'm sorry, I don't speak Spanish.  
- Yo... Um, I was... Your endless love, like a year ago. I'm Carmelita Fox.  
- Oh right, Carmelita! - Sly said while he facepalmed himself. - How have you been? Is that your baby? Did you get married?  
- No, you idiot. This is your daughter.  
- Oh. - Sly said before analizing Carmelita's words. - What?! No, I don't want any kids!  
- Don't you dare... I just... (Sigh) do you have ten dollars? I have to pay the taxi.  
- Lemme see. - Sly said. - Hold on for a sec.  
Sly rumaged in one of the anonymous girls' purses and pulled out a ten dollar bill, then he handed the bill to Carmelita.  
- I'll be back soon. - Carmelita said while she handed the cub to Sly.  
Carmelita turned and started walking down the aisle, then when she had exited the building in which Sly lived, Carmelita sighed and got into the taxi that had brought here there, then she handed the bill that Sly had given her to the driver and said:  
- To the airport, please.  
The driver took the bill and nodded, then he started the engine and drove off.  
Back at the apartment, the anonymous girls had woken up and were watching the young cub in Sly's table, while the only male there was pacing nervously and sighing heavily.  
- You know something, I don't think that your sister is gonna come back for her. - One of the girls said while she gestured at the cub.  
- She's so cute. - The other girl said. - Who's her father?  
- According to what I know, it's me. - Sly said.  
The two girls looked at him with a disgusted look on their faces upon hearing the raccoon's words.  
- You slept with your sister?! - The two girls asked him.  
- No! I lied about the whole sister thing, Carmelita was an old girlfriend of mine, and according to her, the cub's my daughter.  
Both girls shared a worried glance and they gulped, then they grabbed their respective purses and headed towards the door.  
- Hey, where are you going? You said you'd stay the whole weekend! - Sly snapped.  
- Well... I... Um... I forgot that I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to check my... prostate. - One of the girls said.  
- Huh? Wait a sec, women have no prostate. - Sly said.  
- Really? Well, I better make sure of it.  
The two girls got out of Sly's apartment and Sly huffed while he ran a hand across his hair. Then the male raccoon glanced at the cub, who was smiling at him.  
- Hey, you know your mother well, don't you? - Sly asked at the baby. - She wouldn't be capable of leaving you here, would she?  
The baby tilted her head to the right in confusion and Sly sighed.  
- Why am I asking questions to a baby? - Sly wondered aloud.  
Then a ringing sound was heard, Sly turned and tried to find the source of the sound, and he realized that it was his cellphone. Sly pulled out his phone from his pocket and answered the call.  
- Hello? - Sly said.  
- Sly, it's me, Carmelita. - A womanly voice replied on the phone.  
- Carm? Carm, where are you?  
- Sly, yo... Lo siento, no, no puedo más... - Sly could hear Carmelita holding back tears.  
- Carm, I don't understand, where are you?  
- I'm deeply sorry, Sly... I... I just can't do this anymore...  
- What do you mean? Carm? Where are you?!  
- ... Passengers of the flight 265, with destination to Guadalajara, please board through the door 78. - An automatic voice was heard in the background. - I'm sorry, Sly... Please take care of her, she's just a baby...  
Sly heard Carmelita crying over the phone, then he heard her hang up and he closed his cellphone. The male raccoon raced for his jacket and grabbed it, then he grabbed the keys of his bike and dashed to the door, leaving a confused raccoon cub in his table.  
Three seconds after Sly had gotten out of his apartment, he went back in and dashed for the cub, he carried her and this made her laugh softly.  
- Next time I leave and you don't tell me that you're still here, I'll leave you here, got it? - Sly said to a happy cub.  
The cub smiled at him and he couldn't help but say:  
- Well, you do are really cute.  
Then Sly grabbed the baby tight and hopped on his bike, he ignited the motor and sped off towards the airport.  
Luckily Sly was an experienced biker, and thus, he could drive using just one hand.  
Ten minutes later, both raccoons had arrived at the airport. Sly parked his vehicle and dashed inside the airport. He started looking for Carmelita but he couldn't find her.  
Then he went to the reception and he asked a lady:  
- Hey, um, hasn't a blue-haired vixen, a bit dishelved and around my age, registered here?  
The lady looked at his with a look that said "You gotta be kidding me" and she gestured at a bunch of disheveled blue-haired vixens that were there.  
Sly saw them and he sighed, thinking that he wouldn't be able to locate Carmelita. By a mere twist of fate, Sly glanced at a window and he saw the vixen he was looking for through it. He saw Carmelita boarding a plane along with some other passengers, which made Sly ran towards the window and he started pounding on it as hard as he could, also yelling out Carmelita's name.  
- Hey! Carmelita! Your baby! - Sly yelled as loud as he could.  
Carmelita somehow felt that someone was calling for her, so she instinctively turned her head and glanced at the raccoon who was still pounding on the crystal. She shed a single tear and boarded the plane, while Sly was still trying to get her attention.  
- No! Carmelita! The baby! You can't leave her here! - Sly yelled in his last attempt.  
The plane finally lifted off and Sly just glanced at the young cub in his hands.  
He felt that his world had made a sudden spin and he could just think of one thing.  
- I need help. - Sly said for himself.  
Sly walked back to his bike, he hopped on it and ignited it, then he drove off to the only place he could think of right now, the home of his old friend, Bentley Wiseturtle.

* * *

"Well guys, what'cha think? Should I keep writing this? Please leave a review with your answer. For those who ask 'Why is this classified as a TUFF Puppy-Sly Cooper Crossover? Well, the TUFF Ppuppy characters will appear later on the fic.  
This fic is based on a mexican movie with the same name, please try to watch it if you have the chance.  
WIthout further ado, this is me saying goodbye."


End file.
